Sometimes we have to work with someone we do not like. It may be a personality difference or it may be that they are difficult to get along with OR it may be someone who you thought you had a good relationship with but all of a sudden, they are treating you differently. WTF you ask yourself? You may even ask yourself what you did wrong? (Don't do this, you probably did nothing, this other person is the one with the issue)
Here's an example I was given. Let's look at the example of "Rachel" and "Melinda" - not their real names. Both professional women who had a great relationship at work, had worked together, did some social stuff outside of work and as a matter of fact, Melinda really respected Rachel, alot. This relationship had been great for over a decade. At some stage, Melinda felt that Rachel had started treating her differently and had no idea why. Melinda just knew it as she had a lot to do with the staff at work and was always doing something good for the team.
One early work morning, through miscommunication, one ambulance was supposed to go to another area but had no idea as no-one had advised them that it was the plan. When Rachel had come onto shift and was told she had to go to the other area, she walked out into a public domain where there happened to be other staff members and started a tirade of abuse. Unfortunately, as stated, this was a public domain. It had looked like it was however, directed at Melinda.
As Rachel had finished saying she was "special" as she was not on the part time "Mommy Car" (another nasty thing to say) because she was better than that. Another WTF moment. She exited the public domain (where all the staff sit on their computers) and went elsewhere in the building. Melinda had got up and went to find Rachel to say they would swap and go to the other area and apologise as Melinda had absolutely no idea it was them (Melinda and her partner) that were supposed to go.
Well, Rachel showed everyone exactly who she was. Melinda got put on an emergency so left. Melinda had also sent a long message to Rachel and she had seen it but never answered her. No response is a response right? So Melinda spent all day trying to figure out if she had actually done something wrong and how they could have avoided that situation. Still, no reply from Rachel after Melinda had apologised again. Melinda was the sort of person who loved looking after her co-workers and made staff welfare a priority. Rachel was all for Rachel, selfish and as we know now, nasty, bitchy and nice to your face, talks about you behind your back kind of person. cannot be trusted at all.
Melinda tried to talk to Rachel before they had finished the shift but Rachel still carried on about feeling as though she was getting a raw end of the deal. (We all go out and get flogged at the end of the day... Rachel needed to fight and attack someone, Melinda copped it) So Melinda ended up in tears about something that was not her fault, Rachel ended up making her feel terrible and everyone went home,
The next day, Melinda was left out of conversations by Rachel on purpose and other staff members had gone to Melinda asking why Rachel was treating her like that? Other staff had seen her behaviour the day before so knew Rachel was in the wrong but wouldn't admit it or say sorry like she should have. Just a nasty human whose life is in turmoil and she takes it out on everyone else with an air of being better than everyone else while holding a "mask" of being a nice person... sad. I actually feel sorry for Rachel.
Fast forward to meetings to sort this mess and see if anything can be worked out. As we knew, Rachel would pretend that all was ok and some fake tears and hugs then back at it when no-one was looking. Rachel left Melinda out of conversations, tagged others on Facebook and left Melinda out, blocked Melinda on Facebook, that sort of rubbish.
Yes, it looks like passive/aggressive Rachel is a bully. Melinda struggled with this because she had thought Rachel was her friend. She ended up at counselling and felt so down that it affected her. Melinda ended up medicated for a little while to combat feelings of anxiety and depression. It looks like, through history, Rachel is no-ones friend and doesn't care who she hurts. Rachel has done this before and even went so far to be accused of damaging another medics car because there was disputes over rostering. Who would want this person near their family??? Not me.
So what does Melinda need to do?
Melinda needs to stand her ground and not allow this bullying and by the same token, if Rachel wants to block people on social media platforms like a spoilt 15 year old, pay no attention. It's probably better that Rachel doesn't see anyway. Melinda may need to realise that this is a blessing in disguise. Any good hearted person should know they don't need a Rachel in their life.
Melinda... move on and be happy that this person is no longer in your life at all. Rachel will go through life doing this to people. It is obvious that Rachel deflects all of her issues onto others and likes to feel she is superior to others. This is something thats done when that person feels inferior. Rachels behaviour MAKES her inferior and she may need some help.
Melinda, you do you and keep being a good person.
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